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And now: Sport!
Feb. 17th, 2004 03:37 pm"And a hearty welcome to any listeners who have just tuned in! You're listening to Radio LJ, covering the sports you've never heard of before. I'm Bill Gray, my assistant here is Bob Avery and today we're transmitting from the International Cat Shedding Championships. Tell us what's happened so far today, Bob!"
"Well, Bill, there really hasn't been that much going on so far today. There have been some preliminaries in the Speed Shedding and Precision Shedding events, and we've had a suprisingly strong showing from the Albanian team there, but the real competition is still to come. There was a breif excitement around lunch when some of the more excitable Chinese athletes claimed that the CIA had been lacing their lunch kibbles with Rogaine™ to impede their shedding, but quick tests showed that the claims were entirely unfounded. The Isreali and Palestinian teams have spent all day skulking in dark corners glaring at each other, but that was pretty much expected. The Iraqi team was accused of being associated with Al Quaida, and has withdrawn from the championships in protest, while the North Korean team never showed up in the first place. And that's pretty much it for today, Bill."
"Thank you, Bob. What's up next?"
"Well, Bill, next up is the first round of the Speed Shedding competition. We're expecting it to be interesting, since the Chinese and American athletes will both be competing."
"Is that them we can see down there, Bob?"
"Yes, Bill, and the bang the listeners may just have heard was the starter gun being fired. The athletes have all jumped up on their assigned cloths and are shedding as if their lives depended on it."
"It's a little hard to tell from up here, Bob, but it looks like both the Chinese and American cats are doing quite well."
"Yes, Bill, they are. You can see the scales at the edge of the field--"
"Oh, yes, I see!"
"--and as you can see, they're both fast approaching the fifty grams of hair they have to shed in order to qualify for the next round. Norway and Uzbekistan are following close behind, and Zimbabwe is placing as a solid fifth before Brazil and Moldavia. I don't think we'll see any suprises here, Bill."
"We'll be back to them later. It looks like there's something else about to start over there, Bob."
"Yes, Bill, that's the first round of Precision Shedding. None of the big guns are in this one, so it's hard to say who's going to go on to the next round, but Russia and Australia are traditionally strong contenders, and I don't see why they shouldn't place well."
"Those checkered cloths are where they'll compete, are they, Bob?"
"Yes, Bill, they are. The alternating black and white squares are about three paws wide at this stage, and the cats are supposed to only shed white hairs on the black squares and black hairs on the white squares. As the rounds proceed, the squares become smaller. There will also be different colours, which adds the difficulty of forcing the athlete to chose which kind of hair to shed on which colour. The finals will, as usual, be played out on the highest-quality Scotch tartan."
"That is very interesting, Bob! We'll return to the Precision Shedding first rounds after these words from our sponsors."
"Well, Bill, there really hasn't been that much going on so far today. There have been some preliminaries in the Speed Shedding and Precision Shedding events, and we've had a suprisingly strong showing from the Albanian team there, but the real competition is still to come. There was a breif excitement around lunch when some of the more excitable Chinese athletes claimed that the CIA had been lacing their lunch kibbles with Rogaine™ to impede their shedding, but quick tests showed that the claims were entirely unfounded. The Isreali and Palestinian teams have spent all day skulking in dark corners glaring at each other, but that was pretty much expected. The Iraqi team was accused of being associated with Al Quaida, and has withdrawn from the championships in protest, while the North Korean team never showed up in the first place. And that's pretty much it for today, Bill."
"Thank you, Bob. What's up next?"
"Well, Bill, next up is the first round of the Speed Shedding competition. We're expecting it to be interesting, since the Chinese and American athletes will both be competing."
"Is that them we can see down there, Bob?"
"Yes, Bill, and the bang the listeners may just have heard was the starter gun being fired. The athletes have all jumped up on their assigned cloths and are shedding as if their lives depended on it."
"It's a little hard to tell from up here, Bob, but it looks like both the Chinese and American cats are doing quite well."
"Yes, Bill, they are. You can see the scales at the edge of the field--"
"Oh, yes, I see!"
"--and as you can see, they're both fast approaching the fifty grams of hair they have to shed in order to qualify for the next round. Norway and Uzbekistan are following close behind, and Zimbabwe is placing as a solid fifth before Brazil and Moldavia. I don't think we'll see any suprises here, Bill."
"We'll be back to them later. It looks like there's something else about to start over there, Bob."
"Yes, Bill, that's the first round of Precision Shedding. None of the big guns are in this one, so it's hard to say who's going to go on to the next round, but Russia and Australia are traditionally strong contenders, and I don't see why they shouldn't place well."
"Those checkered cloths are where they'll compete, are they, Bob?"
"Yes, Bill, they are. The alternating black and white squares are about three paws wide at this stage, and the cats are supposed to only shed white hairs on the black squares and black hairs on the white squares. As the rounds proceed, the squares become smaller. There will also be different colours, which adds the difficulty of forcing the athlete to chose which kind of hair to shed on which colour. The finals will, as usual, be played out on the highest-quality Scotch tartan."
"That is very interesting, Bob! We'll return to the Precision Shedding first rounds after these words from our sponsors."
