*Blink* this made my "porn written by a bloke" meter bleep several times. It *is* hot, no doubt about that, but ... and I don't know, somehow when you describe what the girls are feeling it reads like a porn mag story/old porn novel. Hmm. Let me think. Yeah, it's a PWP, and the trouble with those is that one can easily slip into "explaining it all away" mode and quickly describe the rules of the following smutfest, in order to get to the smut. Dude, I haven't managed a way around that yet in my fic... but what *I'd* like to read here is a real-time bit where the girls come to the agreement of the rules, because dude, that could be so *hot*. The discovery, the titillation. Or maybe weave it into when Buffy arrives?
Anyway, hope this didn't come across as harsh, as I didn't mean it as such:).
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branchandroot
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Date: 2004-10-31 01:43 pm (UTC)Anyway, hope this didn't come across as harsh, as I didn't mean it as such:).